What will work for you

Lately, Brycen has been such a wonderful boy! You acts out less, listen better and control better. Mommy's positive encouragement really works! One day, seeing Brycen so patiently taking good care of brother, helping mommy a lot. Mommy praise him again.
Mommy: Brycen - Mommy noticed that lately you cried less, listen more and has been very helpful for Mommy. Thank you.
Brycen: Thank you Mommy for saying nice words. Sometimes, when you say bad words or shout at me, it really hurts my feeling. Again, thanks for saying nice words.
Mommy: Sorry. But sometimes you did something wrong. Mommy gets very mad.
Brycen: But you can ask me to stop and use the word "Please".
Mommy: all right. I should use nice word "PLEASE" I am sorry. but sometimes even when I gave you warning and asked you to stop. You did not stop but kept doing that.
Brycen: Sometimes I really feel bad. But if you could use nice words say "Please go to your room to enjoy the clock sound. Come out after you feel better. OK?" That is nice words and I would listen. That won't hurt my feeling.
Mommy feel shocked. Yeah how many times we as parent could not control ourselves and just bursted out before kids do. We set a bad example for kids and did not show respect to kids. Now kids know what work best for him and find a way out of there. I am so sorry sweet heart. Mommy and daddy will do this better! Thank you for telling me before you get too old to talk to me what you need. What a wonderful boy I am having. I can't feel be blessed more!

what will work for you?

不赖森有时候非常的伤心难以控制情绪。 妈咪在一边看着， 根本不知道该怎么样对付。 爹地在一边幸灾乐祸， 更是让人非常讨厌。 妈咪问不赖森，你希望妈咪怎么做才能让你停止哭闹。 不赖森说： 你可以说： what will work for you? 他希望： you need to hug me, a lot of hug. That will help a lot. and say I love you.

小乖乖的情感世界丰富的远远超出父母的想像。 你知道什么是可行的， 你的感受是怎么样的。 妈咪没有给你足够的拥抱和鼓励特别在你情感是最难控制的时候， 是妈咪爹地不对。 妈咪以后会做得更好的。

What can I do about your Tantrum

If there is one thing I can do better, it is to better control myself when Brycen is in tantrum and to observe his behavior and prevent him from melting down.

Prevent Tantrum:
1. Pay attention to his cues and anticipate his desires. By doing this: Giving your young child some control over his life; Be aware of the signs that your young child is heading down towards a melt down, such as whining, crying, or complaining.These behaviors are the red flags you will need to learn to recognize.

2. Spanking, swatting, and yelling are especially unhelpful; give young child enough attention, comment on good behaviors.

3. He can't have everything he wants, but he has to be able to count on you for comfort.

When in Tantrum:

1. Do not give attention to tantrum. He need to isolate the family when he's in tantrum. Give him a safe place to calm down;

2. Parent take control of the situation and do not give in;

One important fact to recognize is that we all have temper tantrums occasionally. The first thing to keep in mind is that your child’s temper tantrums are not directed personally at you. In both cases, your child’s tantrums are all about the perceived lack of control of their surroundings, so try not to personalize them. While this may be difficult to do, remember, your child lacks the daily self-control that we adults take for granted. Temper tantrums are the only way your child knows how to express their frustration with the world around them.

One of the best approaches to tantrums is to avoid them as much as possible. Pay attention to your baby's cues and try to anticipate her desires. You can reduce her frustration even more by giving her a safe place to explore where you won't constantly have to tell her no.

Screaming comes naturally to babies, and you can't force her to keep her temper. Spanking, swatting, and yelling are especially unhelpful. Your baby will only become more unhappy and distressed. If you're feeling angry, it's okay to put her in a safe place, like a play yard, and let her scream and cry until you have a chance to calm down. She can't have everything she wants, but she has to be able to count on you for comfort.

4 Steps to Teaching Kids Responsibility

4 Steps to Teaching Kids Responsibility

Psychologist Charles Fay, Ph.D., of the Love and Logic Institute, suggests four steps for parents who want their children to learn self-discipline and a sense of responsibility:

1. Give children lots of freedom to exercisechoices over issues with small consequences.

2. Secretly hope your child blows it.

3. When he or she blows it, provide a dose of sympathy.

4. Let your child make the same mistake again.

The mistake some parents make, Fay says, is intervening rather than letting natural consequences take their course. Children learn from their mistakes.
- Sandra Whitehead

How do you do this?

Start by setting and maintaining consistent limits. Young children need parents to set boundaries, says Genett. "Children need to know that parents will do what it takes to keep them safe. These limits help them develop a healthy personality. As they grow up, they integrate these limits into their own self-discipline.

"If parents don't set limits, kids become unruly, and take physical and psychological risks," she says. "These children are unhappy and often have psychological problems. They know something is wrong, but they don't know what to do about it."

As children get older, involve them in developing their own rules and consequences, Brooks advises. This also allows parents to teach kids that rules are not arbitrary; there are reasons for them.

Pay attention to how you parent. Parenting styles make a difference in teaching self-discipline, says Fay. He describes three typical parenting approaches, but notes that only one of them does the job:

1. Drill Sergeant Parents - Constantly tell kids what decisions to make and what their values should be. They bark out orders and expect their kids to follow them. Their children grow up needing someone to tell them what to do, says Fay.
2. Helicopter Parents - Hover over their children, and when the kids make a bad decision, they swoop in and solve the problem. Their kids grow up believing they need someone to rescue them.
3. Consultant Parents - Boss and rescue as little as possible. They share their thoughts, but they don't tell kids what to do. They don't take on a child's problem as their own. Their strategy is to give their kids the opportunity to make choices when the consequences are small and then let the children deal with the consequences of their decisions. Ultimately, this helps a child develop self-discipline.

布莱森挺惨的- 爷爷的话

这几天在做爷爷的思想工作，希望爷爷奶奶办签证延期帮忙我们到弟弟一岁。爷爷一直心理不太愿意，某一天走路回来就同意了。奶奶悄悄的跟妈咪说：爷爷说布莱森挺惨的。布莱森也不是很坏的孩子，我们爸爸妈妈竟然这样对他又吼又吓的很凶的。妈咪听了很震惊。- 是啊，想像有些时候我们也真是没有爱心耐心。大人心理只是一个劲的想着弄好了小孩子的事情可以自己可以好好休息一下，坐在电视计算机前面不受打扰的看自己想看的东西。要知道，在小孩子的心理，他们也就仅仅希望能得到点父母的关爱和陪伴， 毕竟一天24小时， 也就是吃完晚餐的时间可以一起玩一下。旁观者清，爷爷奶奶看得出我们对小孩子并不是很耐烦。我们当父母的每天就象个机器一样的运转，却很少安静一下，从小孩子的角度，想想他们需要的是什么。这个事情妈咪爹地做的不好，以后要多改进。用更多的耐心和爱心和布莱森一起成长。想想30年前，爷爷奶奶在物质生活环境不是很好的时候，妈咪自己从来没觉得不幸福过。记忆里从来没有爷爷奶奶对妈咪凶过。我们作为工作的机器，虽说为孩子提供了丰富的物质条件，可是对小孩子来说，精神上的愉悦和幸福并不是金钱可以买到的，却是可以用自己的耐心和爱心去付出。爷爷最终不顾自己或这或那的担心而同意多在美国呆半年，心里还是惦记着布莱森的。- 这是世间爷爷奶奶对孙子最无私又是最微妙的隔代的爱了。当爸妈的当以谨记并在行动上爱护布莱森的成长，让他成为一个自信活泼自强的好孩子， 而不是脾气暴躁的令人处处烦心的问题孩子。

positive parenting

Childtime offered a free parenting section with a parenting consultant whose name I forgot. Here are the key points:

1) Sum it up with a word: try not to lecture your child in a long drawn out fashion. Try to think of one word that can get your message across to your child. (Less than 10 words, no yelling)

2) Acknowledge your child's feelings - let your child know that all of his/her feelings are valid. also remember to give his/her feeling a name. All feelings can be accepted. Do not compare your kid to the others including sisters or brothers.

3) Active listening - This skill helps a child clarify his feelings so that he can solve his own problems. It involves reflecting the feelings or content of a child's message. You can do this by repeating child's words to let them work through the process. Be a listener rather than a drop 2 cents.

4) Describe the situation - Tell the child in a few brief sentences what you see and what you feel.

5) Choices - allow children to help be in control of themselves by offering them a limited choices.

6) Problem solve - use this communication sill if you have a recurring problem. There are basic 6 steps:

a) discuss you and your child's feelings

b) discuss you and your child's needs

c) brainstorming ideas to the problem together

d) write down your brainstorm list

e) together decide upon a solution to the problem from your brainstorm list

f) carry through with your solution.

7) talk about child's 3 positive things before bed will help a child sleep; to make the improvement better, provide about 10:4 positive vs. negative comments on a child.

Remember: change takes a lot of time. Use nature consequences that mentally painful for them; don't fight for things that doesn't matter.

The wonder of boys - Michael Gurian

Here are some notes quoted from the book:

1. Mom-son relationship

Mom feel guilt, fear and abandonment in mom-son separation.

Guilt: A mother often thinks, quite subconsciously that she must keep doing more and more for her son. She thinks if she doesn't, she's a bad mother.

Fear: Mother often want to protect their son from the suffering of the world in general, and especially manhood in particular.

Abandonment: in many ways, without either mother or son realizing, they have become an intimate couple. Many mothers, especially wives of emotionally distant husbands, experience letting go of the son as the destruction of their only love relationship with a giving loving male.

However, for the son, they feel this way:

Guilt: guilt for pulling away from the woman who has meant more to him than anyone.If mother uses passive-aggressive behavior or other ways to show him how much he's hurting her, he'll even feel more guilty.

Anger(sometimes rage): Anger at himself because he can't let go of dependence on mom. anger at mom because she can't teach him manhood; anger at mom because she won't let him go easily. anger at father or other men who do less than they can to help boys separate from mom and find manhood.

Fear: fear of leaving the safety of mom's psychological umbilical cord. who else will be ever be able to trust like he trusted mom?

How do we help our son gracefully mature beyond psychological dependence on mom:

1). team sport activity: basket ball, soccer, hockey, rafting... It's a good way to teach kid responsible, discipline and gracefully entering their manhood. This is the most significant way hat we provide a hero's journey for our next generation.

2). Father to bring/welcome him into male group for support.

3). Father spend more ruffle time with kids.

2. The healthy father

The father must make a conscious decision to be a father.

The father must begin fathering during his wife's pregnancy and very early in the child's infancy. The father must be self-aware. How can a man raise a son, who is striving toward self-awareness, if he the father is closed-down, unaware, unable to change and grow?

The father must be comfortable with his body, his gender, his sexuality, his sensual apprehension of nature and the world around him. He must know how to flourish in himself physically so that he can help his very physically oriented son to flourish as well. He must talk to the son about sex, nature, biology, gender and he must listen.

The father must learn how to communicate with the boy he is raising. That boy will be like other boys, but very individual too. The father will have to learn new skills to keep up with his son's growth.

The father must not only let the son find other mentors but must consciously help him do so. Throughout human history, fathers have found mentors for their sons, mentors who would train the boys in skills the father did not posses, mentors to whom the son could turn when he needed to learn more about certain aspects of the male mode of feeling the father just didn't have the ability to teach.

The father must let go of the son yet still remain a model. He must live a vision he himself has searched through and accepted from a position of spiritual freedom so that his son can find that freedom as well.

3. Father "refuel" an emotional charge through a hug or pat. As the boy grows up, this concept of refueling will continue to work, with modification. Even a five- or seven or ten-years old who appears to be demanding huge amounts of time from a tired father is often just demanding five or ten minutes of a refueled father-son relationship. If the father, tired from work, spends just half an hour with the boy, both will feel refueled. If the father doesn't spend the minimal amount of time with his child, he'll actually end up spending more than that amount of time and energy dealing with his son's anger, rejection, and abandonment throughout an evening, weekend, or lifetime.

Parenting: immediately action plan

After talking to different Moms, the most critical skills to help kids develop to help them and (parent) successful are as follows:

1. 1. Help kid focus and self discipline in learning.

2. 2. Do not spoil kid. Establish authority and follow rules thoroughly.

3. 3. Good habit starts from cleaning up, eating on his own fast, arrive school in time and actually to be ahead of everyone.

4. 4. Help kid prioritize his tasks. Take priority to finish homework and only after that help kid enjoy fun and other extra curriculum.

5. 5. Reading, writing, language and math skills are the most critical skills to help kid build confidence and stay easy in school, which will further foster their head start in other field.

The above are all what I need to focus. Immediately action plan for me and Feilong to improve: (Don’t let the second child be an excuse. If I can not do this well at this time, after the second child is born, I would not have enough effort/energy to help Brycen anymore and it will have bad influence after he goes to 1^st grade and on the second child.)

1. 1. 20 minutes meal rule

2. 2. Brycen to brush teeth, wipe his face on his own, only with limited supervision.

3. 3. Help Brycen recognize/write Alphabet and his name better. Strengthen his math skills

4. 4. Stay close to school curriculum and borrow related books to read

5. 5. Keep reading books/stories to him before bed.

6. 6. Teach him sight word (100 words) that he will learn in K at home. Practice reading and counting.

7. 7. Develop a proper daily/weekend schedule to help him learn and have fun.

8. 8. Be more patient. No yelling and threatening. Authority is not established in this way. Be straight forward with action terms and be concise about what to expect him to do. Keep repeating the same order. Do not need much reasoning about why shall he need to do this. Simply let him know what to do!

9. 9. Help him develop good habits: put aside toys/clearning up after playing or before change to next theme. Arrive school before 9:30AM so that he can fully take advantage of the circle time at 9:30AM.

10. 10. Learn some children psychology and educational basics. To be aware of and pay attention in daily parenting.

Parenting: books about boys

Books for boys:

1. 1. Bringing up boys-practical advice and encouragement for those shaping the next generation of men, Dr.James Dobson [Read in Jan, 2011]

2. 2. Raising cain- protecting the emotional life of boys, Dan Kindlon, Michael Thompson [to cont. after chapter 2 later, lower priority]

3. 3. The wonder of boys – what parents, mentors and educators can do to shape boys into exceptional men, Michael Gurian [1 top priority]

4. 4. Siblings without rivalry – How to help your children live together so you can live too, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish [4th priority]

5. 5. How to talk so kids will listen and Listen so kids will talk [ 3 priority]

6. 6. Children psychology, children education [to look for good books, 2^nd priority]

Some notes learned from “bringing up boys”

1. Boys need to connect to men- his father, rather then his mother. Mother essentially provide all boys need while boys need father to mode him. Mother need to be brave to break such tendency and habits.

2. The school is dorminated by women. Learning environment is tailored to girls. Boys is about 6 months later in development than girls. Boys often feel frustrated in school. It’s difficult for boy to keep focus and keep quiet in school. Keeping their hands busy while help them develop self-discipline is critical.

3. Reading, language and math is critical for children to pick up in school and build up their confidence and speed up their extra curriculum.

4. During teenage, boys are much likely than girls to have drugs, bad habits built up. Understand their needs and communicate effective with them is the key.

5. What boys remember after they grow up is not a zoo trip, a vacation etc., rather that the tradition that a family celebrate year after year or simple activities that he shares with his parents like rustle with his father after his father came back from work. Develop family tradition will help to bond the family together. Share our lives with pleasant daily routins and repititions rather than changes.

6. Boys all want to be masculine. Help them develop manship to avoid homosexuality problem in the future.

7. About competiton: Winning at this age is nothing, teaching your boy to deal properly with his anger, disappointment, and frustration is everything. This doesn’t mean that you should belittle or ignore his feelings in difficult moments.The issue is not just that he lost but that he embarrassed himself at having failed. It goes straight into his heart. Let your son talk about the experience and help him understand that there will be wins and looses for the rest of life.

8. Start a day within the first 5 minutes to have harmony connection with the family.

9. If you nag and criticize your child incessantly, he’ll begin to develop bad attitudes toward work. Tranform it into a game, which makes life easier for everyone.

Some notes from “raising cain”

1. Boys are much less likely to use emotional language and literacy like love , hate, frustrated, don’t like etc. Help them develop such language and help them express their emotional will help boys understand and are aware of their emotional better and develop their emotional intelligence.

Time-outs: How to make them work

Time-outs: How to make them work

by Paula Spencer and Karen Miles

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Highlights

What to expect at this age
What to do

What to expect at this age
It's a 2-year-old's job to explore the world around him — and part of that exploration involves testing the boundaries of his world. That means your 2-year-old will gleefully push the limits you impose in an effort to find out what's okay and what's not okay. He's also a creature ruled by emotion, and can turn on a dime from a happy-go-lucky child to a flailing, wailing wild thing.

When your child gets too worked up for his own good, sometimes the best way to help him get a handle on himself is to remove him from whatever sparked the meltdown (or the limits-pushing) in favor of a little quiet time, better known as a time-out. Though many experts, including Penelope Leach, are skeptical about using traditional time-outs with children so young, it's fine to introduce the concept of a cooling-off period now. Six strategies for making the most of time-outs with your child:

What to do
Understand what a time-out is — and isn't. If you don't think of a time-out as punishment, neither will your child, and that's as it should be. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to teach your child how to cope with common frustrations and modify his behavior. Although at times it may require superhuman effort, try not to scold, yell, or speak angrily when you call "time-out" — the point isn't to chastise your child, it's simply to help him switch gears. The goal of a time-out is to defuse and redirect an escalating situation in an unemotional way, and to help your child behave without setting a negative example, the way yelling does.

Don't give formal time-outs before your child is ready for them. Two-year-olds find it hard to sit still, so trying to make your little one stay in one place for a prescribed length of time may well disintegrate into a chase scene: Your child runs away from his time-out spot, delighted with this new game. You catch him, then struggle to make him stay. You threaten, he laughs. You grab, he bolts. Meanwhile, because 2-year-olds have short attention spans, your child forgets why you wanted him to sit still in the first place. Instead of helping him regain his self-control, you find yourself in an escalating power struggle.

That's why traditional time-outs won't work until your child begins to appreciate the need to follow rules (usually around his third birthday). Watch for signs that he understands what's allowed and what's not — if he reminds you of the rules when you break them, chances are he's absorbed that lesson. If, for instance, he catches you doing something you normally wouldn't allow him to — munching potato chips on the sofa, say — he may scold, "You're not supposed to do that, Mommy." Until that point, though, hold off on time-outs or your child will feel he's being punished but won't understand why.

Meanwhile, try to distinguish between your child's natural inquisitiveness and willful disobedience. Instead of constantly correcting his behavior, childproof your home to reduce the opportunities for mischief, and distract your child to redirect his attention to more suitable activities. Save time-outs for when your child is doing something he knows is wrong and distraction and redirection just aren't working, or when he needs to get a grip on his emotions.

Take time-outs together. Most 2-year-olds just aren't ready for solitary time-outs, so introduce the idea of time-out by taking a "positive" one together. When your 2-year-old gets revved up and borders on losing control, try saying, "Let's take a time-out to read a book until we feel better." Any quiet activity, such as listening to music, lying down, or putting together a simple puzzle will work.

Taking a time-out with you gets your child used to the idea of a cooling-off period. It disrupts the downward spiral of negative behavior while avoiding the battle of wills that a more formal time-out can incite.

Plan ahead. Don't spring time-outs on your child in a burst of frustration — this discipline method works best if it's explained ahead of time. Use simple terms: "When you get too wild or act in a way that Mommy and Daddy don't think is a good idea, I'll call, 'Time-out.' That means you'll sit in this chair for a little while until you can calm yourself down." You may find it helpful to act this out or to use a doll or teddy bear to demonstrate.

Be flexible. With a 2-year-old, your goal is simply to introduce the idea of an enforced break in the action. Such an interruption can be upsetting enough to your hard-charging, egocentric 2-year-old; insisting that he sit in a certain place, in a certain way, for a certain length of time may be too much for him. Instead of marching him to a special "time-out" chair, for instance, consider just having him sit still right where he is — and stay with him if need be. Go easy, too, in determining how long he needs to stay there. (Don't start following the common one-minute-per-year rule until your child is at least 3.) Thirty seconds to a minute is generally enough for a 2-year-old. The period should be long enough to refocus his attention but not so long that he gets frustrated. One idea: Have him sit and recite his ABCs, then redirect him to a different activity.

Don't expect miracles. As you've no doubt discovered, 2-year-olds are notoriously active, willful, and unpredictable. This is normal (though admittedly tough on you), and the only solution is plenty of patience. Testing limits and gauging your reactions — over and over again — is your child's way of establishing a secure understanding of his world. He may repeatedly toss food off the table to establish that gravity continues to exist. He may repeat an action just to make sure it's still "not okay," so consistency is vital.

No single disciplinary approach — including time-outs — will transform your child into an obedient angel. But learning what behaviors are normal (or at least unavoidable!) at this age will help keep your expectations realistic. If, on the other hand, your child is usually pretty compliant and easily redirected, you may be lucky enough never to need time-out. You may also find that using the positive time-out technique — changing the pace to a quieter activity — works well throughout your youngster's childhood.

What you can do about aggression

The following post is from babycenter.

Mommy's apologies, my little honey. Mommy is responsible for your aggression. The other day, you hit mommy so heavily into mommy's face with your cup. You did that before also. Mommy's responses were always yelling, scolding so mad. This is not a good model for you to learn to control your temper. Even mommy at this stage still found very difficult to control anger and temper. Cooling off will help. Mommy will learn that and let's go through this aggression together.

Highlights

Why 2-year-olds get aggressive
What you can do about aggression

Why 2-year-olds get aggressive
There you are, watching your little angel on the playground, thinking how blessed you are to have him. All of a sudden, he draws back his dimpled little hand — and whacks another child squarely on the nose.

Shocking as it may seem to you (and to the other parents on the playground), aggression is a normal part of your child's development. Primitive language skills, a fierce desire to become independent, and impulsiveness make kids this age prime candidates for getting physical. "Some degree of hitting and biting is completely normal, because 2-year-olds are so focused on 'me' and 'mine,'" says Nadine Block, executive director of the Center for Effective Discipline in Columbus, Ohio. So while your 2-year-old's behavior may embarrass and worry you — and it's certainly not okay for him to hurt other kids — it doesn't mean you're raising a bully. By consistently letting your youngster know that aggressive behavior won't cut it and showing him other ways to express his feelings, you can help him control himself and learn to get along with others.

What you can do about aggression
Respond quickly. Try to respond immediately when you see your child getting aggressive. It's tempting to wait until he's hit his brother for the third time before saying, "That's enough!" (especially when you've already reprimanded him a dozen times in the last hour). Even so, it's best to let him know instantly when he's done something wrong. Remove him from the situation for a brief time-out — for a 2-year-old, even a few seconds may be enough. The idea is for him to connect his behavior with the consequence and figure out that if he hits or bites, he'll miss out on the fun.

Follow up. If your 2-year-old gets into the ball pit at the indoor play center and immediately starts throwing balls at other kids, take him out. Sit down with him and watch the other kids play, explaining that he can go back in when he's ready to join the fun without hurting others. No matter how angry you are with him, try not to yell, hit, or tell your child he's bad. Rather than getting him to change his behavior, this simply teaches him that verbal and physical aggression are the way to go when he's mad. Instead, showing him that you can control your temper may be the first step in helping him control his.

Stick to the plan. As much as possible, respond to aggressive acts the same way every time. The more predictable you are ("Okay, you bit Billy again — that means another time-out"), the sooner you'll set up a pattern that your child comes to recognize and expect. Even if he does something to mortify you in public, stick to the game plan. Most parents understand your situation — after all, we've all been there before. If people stare, toss off a wry comment like, "Don't you just love 2-year-olds?" and then handle the episode the way you see fit.

Show and tell. After you've pulled your child aside, wait until he settles down a bit and then calmly and gently review what happened. Ask him if he can explain what triggered his outburst. ("Jordan, why do you think you got so mad at Scott?") Explain that it's perfectly natural to get angry sometimes, but it's not okay to hit, kick, or bite. Encourage your 2-year-old to find a better way to express how mad he is. Kicking a ball, pounding his fist into a pillow, asking a grown-up for help, or even just telling his playmate that he's steamed (without yelling) are good, age-appropriate responses to anger. You can also help your youngster understand his emotions by reading a book together on the topic — try Mr. Rogers' Let's Talk About Feeling Angry.

Teach him to apologize. Make sure your child understands that he needs to say he's sorry whenever he lashes out — even if you have to lead him by the hand to the offended party and say it for him. His apologies might seem insincere at first, but the lesson will eventually sink in.

Reward good behavior. Rather than paying attention to your 2-year-old only when he misbehaves, try to catch him being good — if he asks for a turn on the swing instead of pushing another kid out of the way, for instance, or shares a toy instead of jerking it away. Praise him lavishly ("I was so proud when you waited your turn!") and he'll soon realize how powerful politeness can be. You could even reward him with a sticker when he manages to keep his temper in check.

Limit TV time. Innocent-looking cartoons and other so-called children's shows are often rife with shouting, threats, shoving, and hitting. So try to monitor the programs your 2-year-old sees by watching them with him — particularly if he's prone to aggression. If something happens on a show that you don't approve of, talk to your child about it: "Did you see how that bear pushed the other bear to get what he wanted? That wasn't a very good thing to do, was it?" (The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that kids age 2 and older see no more than an hour or two of "quality" television a day — yet another reason to skip that show in the future.) You might also find that your child is aggressive when he doesn't get enough opportunities to burn off his abundant energy. So try to provide plenty of unstructured playtime — preferably outdoors — to let him blow off steam.

Don't be afraid to seek help. Sometimes a child's aggression requires more intervention than a parent can provide. If your 2-year-old seems to behave aggressively more often than not, if he routinely frightens or upsets other children, or if your efforts to curb his behavior aren't working, talk to his pediatrician. Together you can root out the source of the behavior, help your child through it, and decide if a counselor or child psychologist is needed. Remember, your child is still very young. With careful guidance and plenty of patience, that playground pummeling will soon be a thing of the past.