After talking to different Moms, the most critical skills to help kids develop to help them and (parent) successful are as follows:
1. 1. Help kid focus and self discipline in learning.
2. 2. Do not spoil kid. Establish authority and follow rules thoroughly.
3. 3. Good habit starts from cleaning up, eating on his own fast, arrive school in time and actually to be ahead of everyone.
4. 4. Help kid prioritize his tasks. Take priority to finish homework and only after that help kid enjoy fun and other extra curriculum.
5. 5. Reading, writing, language and math skills are the most critical skills to help kid build confidence and stay easy in school, which will further foster their head start in other field.
The above are all what I need to focus. Immediately action plan for me and Feilong to improve: (Don’t let the second child be an excuse. If I can not do this well at this time, after the second child is born, I would not have enough effort/energy to help Brycen anymore and it will have bad influence after he goes to 1st grade and on the second child.)
1. 1. 20 minutes meal rule
2. 2. Brycen to brush teeth, wipe his face on his own, only with limited supervision.
3. 3. Help Brycen recognize/write Alphabet and his name better. Strengthen his math skills
4. 4. Stay close to school curriculum and borrow related books to read
5. 5. Keep reading books/stories to him before bed.
6. 6. Teach him sight word (100 words) that he will learn in K at home. Practice reading and counting.
7. 7. Develop a proper daily/weekend schedule to help him learn and have fun.
8. 8. Be more patient. No yelling and threatening. Authority is not established in this way. Be straight forward with action terms and be concise about what to expect him to do. Keep repeating the same order. Do not need much reasoning about why shall he need to do this. Simply let him know what to do!
9. 9. Help him develop good habits: put aside toys/clearning up after playing or before change to next theme. Arrive school before 9:30AM so that he can fully take advantage of the circle time at 9:30AM.
10. 10. Learn some children psychology and educational basics. To be aware of and pay attention in daily parenting.
Books for boys:
1. 1. Bringing up boys-practical advice and encouragement for those shaping the next generation of men, Dr.James Dobson [Read in Jan, 2011]
2. 2. Raising cain- protecting the emotional life of boys, Dan Kindlon, Michael Thompson [to cont. after chapter 2 later, lower priority]
3. 3. The wonder of boys – what parents, mentors and educators can do to shape boys into exceptional men, Michael Gurian [1 top priority]
4. 4. Siblings without rivalry – How to help your children live together so you can live too, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish [4th priority]
5. 5. How to talk so kids will listen and Listen so kids will talk [ 3 priority]
6. 6. Children psychology, children education [to look for good books, 2nd priority]
Some notes learned from “bringing up boys”
1. Boys need to connect to men- his father, rather then his mother. Mother essentially provide all boys need while boys need father to mode him. Mother need to be brave to break such tendency and habits.
2. The school is dorminated by women. Learning environment is tailored to girls. Boys is about 6 months later in development than girls. Boys often feel frustrated in school. It’s difficult for boy to keep focus and keep quiet in school. Keeping their hands busy while help them develop self-discipline is critical.
3. Reading, language and math is critical for children to pick up in school and build up their confidence and speed up their extra curriculum.
4. During teenage, boys are much likely than girls to have drugs, bad habits built up. Understand their needs and communicate effective with them is the key.
5. What boys remember after they grow up is not a zoo trip, a vacation etc., rather that the tradition that a family celebrate year after year or simple activities that he shares with his parents like rustle with his father after his father came back from work. Develop family tradition will help to bond the family together. Share our lives with pleasant daily routins and repititions rather than changes.
6. Boys all want to be masculine. Help them develop manship to avoid homosexuality problem in the future.
7. About competiton: Winning at this age is nothing, teaching your boy to deal properly with his anger, disappointment, and frustration is everything. This doesn’t mean that you should belittle or ignore his feelings in difficult moments.The issue is not just that he lost but that he embarrassed himself at having failed. It goes straight into his heart. Let your son talk about the experience and help him understand that there will be wins and looses for the rest of life.
8. Start a day within the first 5 minutes to have harmony connection with the family.
9. If you nag and criticize your child incessantly, he’ll begin to develop bad attitudes toward work. Tranform it into a game, which makes life easier for everyone.
1. Boys are much less likely to use emotional language and literacy like love , hate, frustrated, don’t like etc. Help them develop such language and help them express their emotional will help boys understand and are aware of their emotional better and develop their emotional intelligence.
