1. Mom-son relationship
Mom feel guilt, fear and abandonment in mom-son separation.
Guilt: A mother often thinks, quite subconsciously that she must keep doing more and more for her son. She thinks if she doesn't, she's a bad mother.
Fear: Mother often want to protect their son from the suffering of the world in general, and especially manhood in particular.
Abandonment: in many ways, without either mother or son realizing, they have become an intimate couple. Many mothers, especially wives of emotionally distant husbands, experience letting go of the son as the destruction of their only love relationship with a giving loving male.
However, for the son, they feel this way:
Guilt: guilt for pulling away from the woman who has meant more to him than anyone.If mother uses passive-aggressive behavior or other ways to show him how much he's hurting her, he'll even feel more guilty.
Anger(sometimes rage): Anger at himself because he can't let go of dependence on mom. anger at mom because she can't teach him manhood; anger at mom because she won't let him go easily. anger at father or other men who do less than they can to help boys separate from mom and find manhood.
Fear: fear of leaving the safety of mom's psychological umbilical cord. who else will be ever be able to trust like he trusted mom?
How do we help our son gracefully mature beyond psychological dependence on mom:
1). team sport activity: basket ball, soccer, hockey, rafting... It's a good way to teach kid responsible, discipline and gracefully entering their manhood. This is the most significant way hat we provide a hero's journey for our next generation.
2). Father to bring/welcome him into male group for support.
3). Father spend more ruffle time with kids.
2. The healthy father
The father must make a conscious decision to be a father.
The father must begin fathering during his wife's pregnancy and very early in the child's infancy. The father must be self-aware. How can a man raise a son, who is striving toward self-awareness, if he the father is closed-down, unaware, unable to change and grow?
The father must be comfortable with his body, his gender, his sexuality, his sensual apprehension of nature and the world around him. He must know how to flourish in himself physically so that he can help his very physically oriented son to flourish as well. He must talk to the son about sex, nature, biology, gender and he must listen.
The father must learn how to communicate with the boy he is raising. That boy will be like other boys, but very individual too. The father will have to learn new skills to keep up with his son's growth.
The father must not only let the son find other mentors but must consciously help him do so. Throughout human history, fathers have found mentors for their sons, mentors who would train the boys in skills the father did not posses, mentors to whom the son could turn when he needed to learn more about certain aspects of the male mode of feeling the father just didn't have the ability to teach.
The father must let go of the son yet still remain a model. He must live a vision he himself has searched through and accepted from a position of spiritual freedom so that his son can find that freedom as well.
3. Father "refuel" an emotional charge through a hug or pat. As the boy grows up, this concept of refueling will continue to work, with modification. Even a five- or seven or ten-years old who appears to be demanding huge amounts of time from a tired father is often just demanding five or ten minutes of a refueled father-son relationship. If the father, tired from work, spends just half an hour with the boy, both will feel refueled. If the father doesn't spend the minimal amount of time with his child, he'll actually end up spending more than that amount of time and energy dealing with his son's anger, rejection, and abandonment throughout an evening, weekend, or lifetime.
