1) Sum it up with a word: try not to lecture your child in a long drawn out fashion. Try to think of one word that can get your message across to your child. (Less than 10 words, no yelling)
2) Acknowledge your child's feelings - let your child know that all of his/her feelings are valid. also remember to give his/her feeling a name. All feelings can be accepted. Do not compare your kid to the others including sisters or brothers.
3) Active listening - This skill helps a child clarify his feelings so that he can solve his own problems. It involves reflecting the feelings or content of a child's message. You can do this by repeating child's words to let them work through the process. Be a listener rather than a drop 2 cents.
4) Describe the situation - Tell the child in a few brief sentences what you see and what you feel.
5) Choices - allow children to help be in control of themselves by offering them a limited choices.
6) Problem solve - use this communication sill if you have a recurring problem. There are basic 6 steps:
a) discuss you and your child's feelings
b) discuss you and your child's needs
c) brainstorming ideas to the problem together
d) write down your brainstorm list
e) together decide upon a solution to the problem from your brainstorm list
f) carry through with your solution.
7) talk about child's 3 positive things before bed will help a child sleep; to make the improvement better, provide about 10:4 positive vs. negative comments on a child.
Remember: change takes a lot of time. Use nature consequences that mentally painful for them; don't fight for things that doesn't matter.
